Hate Me Please… 

December 31, 2017

For my kin

For my skin

For my mind 

Strength of soul and spirit through God’s Mercy and Grace…things I cannot understand, yet rest in them through His Authority and Majesty

Hate me please for no harm done 

For who I am is

Simply me

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Being Alone…

November 26, 2017

In body or spirit

Moving through days 

Reaching out to touch and see 

Hoping for something that resonates 

Being out of me for a moment

Then…again alone 

To seek solace in silence

Or pain from loneliness 

Another day leaves

There is a tomorrow

And I will go once more to search

While thinking on this (guess what I am!) it crossed my mind that I know a few people who are “quiet”, but not in a deep thinking sort of way. Most things are superfluous and silly that proceed out of their speech. Just because someone doesn’t speak often doesn’t make them deep thinkers or wise. It may mean they have no interest in subject(s), know very little about them, or do not know “how” to communicate effectively. The persons I speak of have limited ability to speak not in physical nor mental, but rather in depth. They are not interested in things that are considered “deep”, with the exception of one person, but even that one subject is short as they do not appear to be interested enough to make a lifestyle of said subject. 

Just thoughts…my introverted thoughts…

Me

October 29, 2017

A long time ago, I let go of who I was because I thought by being what others liked I would get  what I wanted. All the seemingly small things added up until one day, “I” was no more.

Time to be “me” again.

Warm Coats…

January 5, 2017

Were a given in childhood. Having no car we walked everywhere we went except for the occasional bus or taxicab ride…and whenever we rode with relatives. 

This year my ‘nice’ coat is being used. The coat was purchased six to eight years back and barely worn. I slipped it on one day and realized that it was a reminder of when my mother, sibling, and I traveled to and fro in our walkabout lives of yesteryear. A pretty fuchsia color with three large black buttons, it covers me well from the cold and wind as I make my way across parking lots from my car to varied buildings and purposes. As a child/teen, our coats were bought by Mama. J.C. Penney’s and Sears and Roebuck were the usual stores. Once, my father bought me one from Magic Mart. The only coat he ever purchased for me. I still remember it to this day. Brown with fur (synthetic?) around the collar, enlongated buttons instead of round, with little loops to fasten them.

Mama was the constant of everything in our lives including our coats. 

She made sure they fit and were well made, knowing they would need to shield us from the winter bite. Mittens, gloves, and hats were also purchased with money that she earned. We were a little family with limited resources, but it was never a question whether or not we would be properly attired for the winter. Mama did it. Without a coat drive, without a GoFundMe page, without a newsmedia story, without a sob story to co-workers…she did it with resolve…that came from God…and He ALWAYS MADE A WAY. 

I long for those days. Days of discipline and order. Days when people like my mother knew how to do things and did not relinquish to ‘experts’ on every single aspect of their lives. I long for them more and more. 

My coat keeps me warm…and so do the memories of my mother’s love…not through empty words, but through deeds. 

The End Is Near…

December 26, 2016

and a new year is upon us. The past couple weeks have brought opportunity for the ending of some situations/people that have been in my life for a while. One is no longer there and with it comes an understanding that I cannot go against the nature of people. This  part applies to both people but within different situations. One is still around in a different context…and unless the laws of nature are either kind or cruel, depending upon how you look at it, it is most likely not a lengthy stay. Understanding to let go of what others do and think and let them be who they are has been a light in my soul. It does not mean that I don’t wonder about how or why they think and do what they do. For me it means that it is no longer my self-imposed burden to figure this out. Certainly I ponder, but it is so much easier to let go and just accept that no matter what I think they are within their own world and that is the only place they can be. We are all in the same boat. Going through life in our appointed times and plans until we are taken into the next realm. No one walks the same path. Someone told me  that we must all follow our own path…and I think they are right. We cannot follow another one, as I truly believe it is all laid out. Both time and chance happen, as the Bible states, but…we are mortals and the time and chance is that which God has ordained and knows about from the beginning. It is we who see through a glass darkly, not Him. We are as He has made us. Some will disagree with me on this and that is your own business to do so, but the Scriptures point this out from what I’ve read, but as I always say, search them for yourself. 

These things have put me on a new course for the coming year. Seeing what things lie in store for me in this season of my life. Knowing that it is not a selfish thing to do so, because I am really all I have in terms of my life. No one, no matter how much I love them can do anything for me to the point of figuring our my life. It is a personal thing. Many years I allowed myself to be tossed to and fro from the opinions and expectations of others. When I realized what had happened it was too late. For my youth. Not all things were bad, but oh how much gain would I have now in matters if I’d had the confidence to step up and out and do some things I wanted? I’ll never know in this world. And then I think…He knows it all. He made me as I am. I am here today typing these words to let both myself and you know that God is in control. 

 In truth, I have no idea if I would’ve been better off if I had done one thing differently, but I know that it is a strong feeling that God has been with me every step of the way. Through loneliness, anger, despair, unthankful, without faith, and every other emotion and actions that humans have. 

I’m looking ahead now. In hope, in faith, and most of all, knowing that God knows it all, from beginning to end with my life. And I accept that. 

Hoping each one has a safe and Happy New Year.

Fall Back…

November 5, 2016

The time goes back to God’s time as we in the South say. It leaves you feeling cozy and wanting to be at home when the sun goes into an early sleep. 

Netflix’s “The Crown” is the current show I’m watching at my leisure. Having watched three episodes and being pleased, means I have several more to go within the world of beautiful and cultured things. The dress and formal manners (at least in public) are enough to keep me interested if all goes as I hope. People had dignity and manners for the most part in that era. The problems were there, but the everyday hum of civility kept things in a perspective that we could use today. Real tableware, hairstyles that took some thought, and dress that presented the wearer in a favorable light are all appealing in this shabby world. 

“Philadelphia”, starring John Wayne, Randolph Scott, and Marlene Dietrich is another good one. Actually, I’ll need to see this one in its entirety as it was already on when I turned on the station. Again, the dress and hairstyles were encouraging for those of us who are tired of tee shirts and slovenly clothing. There is nothing wrong with dressing for the situation you are in, but there is something to wonder about when it involves non caring. 

The daily calendar I have on the kitchen windowsill had a most interesting passage . To paraphrase: When looking to your future generation(s), remember that good morals are not hereditary.

Teaching is very important…even then all do not adhere; but if you don’t try, there will be none for certain. The things of today are the result of long term neglect and silence in many areas. 

I sit and watch the shows and think..maybe, just maybe the reason they are shown and are gaining popularity is because we are realizing the fallow ground needs to be plowed, needs to be re-seeded and watered to bring forth a new and thriving crop of people. Those who will stand tall and not let the weeds of corruption and slovenly habits continue to choke out the best we can be here on this earth with whatever time God has given us.

 

 

 

 

Two Days…

August 23, 2016

and I’ll be another year older. Life has been one long day. That is all it can be. We don’t live in weeks, months, or years. Each day we walk this earth  and then it becomes another and so on. Calendars track the time and our bodies change during the long day’s walk. One day we will be gone from here. When I leave it is my hope that it will have been of benefit to someone. Some or one…either is acceptable.

Clear Monday…

July 11, 2016

Not blue skies, but rather mind clutter. Sometimes it is good for one to decide enough is enough. Pity parties are good on a minuscule note, as you can see what you want to change concerning your life. It is not a party to which you want to retain a standing invitation.

You are your best friend. You will never ever have another person travel with you on this earth as closely as yourself. There in the sunshine, rain, cool mornings, lazy afternoons, lunch hours, early morning hours when no one is there…you are.

You are enough. Feel your feelings. Think your thoughts. Love yourself. 

KJV Matthew 22:39… Thou shalt love thy neighbor  AS THYSELF.  

Understand, this is the second commandment that Jesus told to the questioner when asked what the great commandments were. The first being, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 

On these TWO commandments hang ALL the law and the prophets. 

Notice He said, “thou shalt”, not “thou shouldest” on BOTH of these. 

Go read it for yourself. Think about it. Study it. 

Matthew 22: 36-40

 

 

 

 

 

There is always something that I’m thinking about. Pen and paper consists of my eyes and brain. Thinking is a visual thing, we “think” in pictures. My hands have been busy with everyday tasks but my thoughts are ever present and so they log in seconds and minutes, hours and days, months that lead to years. There are scores of bloggers and I am but one among many. My words are for me and for those that choose to stop in and take a glance. It is not the pursuit of fame nor fortune that makes me write. I write because I enjoy it. Not in the every single day writing law. I just don’t do it. Reading is a part of me and I will write out things that I’m studying on. These things are in my makeup. I ponder and reflect, but it does not find its way out into the world most of the time. It is within the confines of my inner self. Me. I.  .  The part that is mysterious even to the person. 

This evening was a time that my fingers wanted to feel the smooth plastic and hear the rhythmic beat spelling out thoughts within the space of nothingness that I can’t explain, but see via the internet. 

I wonder…I think…I write. 

I hope you enjoy it. 

Thank you for stopping by.